Music for the Moment - "I Am What I Am"

I recently discovered this song. This song am I. If you don't agree you're stupid. And ugly. And possibly a little bit republican(let's face it, republicans don't read this blog.) This song is from a musical called "La Cage Aux Folles", also known as "The Birdcage". As in the movie starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. Both the musical and the movie come from the play. In the musical version, the song is sung by the character that in the movie is played by Nathan Lane. The number is performed by a man in drag(let's face it, I would look GREAT as a drag queen) when he finds out that his son is ashamed of having two dads. The bitch.

Just as a reminder:

"I Am What I Am" - La Cage Aux Folles

I am what I am
I am my own special creation.
So come take a look,
Give me the hook or the ovation.
It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,
My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.
Life's not worth a damn,
'Til you can say, "Hey world, I am what I am."
I am what I am,
I don't want praise, I don't want pity.
I bang my own drum,
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty.
And so what, if I love each feather and each spangle,
Why not try to see things from a diff'rent angle?
Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud
I am what I am!
I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses.
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces.
There's one life, and there's no return and no deposit;
One life, so it's time to open up your closet.
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say,
"Hey world, I am what I am!"

For cereal, this song is me. I love it ever so much.

Why I'm awesome, Volume II

So, all two and half people who read this blog know that come March my schedule is going to free up a bit. By "a bit" I mean that CCI is kicking me to the curb and the only life that I've had for a long time is going to end. I'm one of those people who carries the belief/hope/delusion that when God closes a door, he opens a window. So when I heard that "Glee" is holding open casting calls to fill three slots in its second season I thought that maybe I had found the window for which I was searching. This is a big leap of faith for me. I don't personally feel like I have any talent whatsoever and that generally I'm a big waste of space. I do certain things, such as singing, because I like to, not because I'm good at them. Same with cooking. I tell myself I'm awesome every single day in the hopes that maybe that one time I'll actually believe it.

Now comes the audition tape. I'm at a loss for this. I've done auditions before. I know the kind of thing I have to do. I know I need to sing and I know that I need to act. I have two monologues chosen, one is dramatic and one is comedic. Both involve me being gay. Is that a bad thing? Should I really just wear it on my sleeve like that? I mean, let's be honest, it's not like I can hide it. I've tried. Erratic can attest to that. She saw right through me. The song, I have no clue what I want to sing. Suggestions are welcome. Why do I fail so hard?

Oh, and the reason I'm awesome? I'm doing this. That has to count for something, right? Worst come to worse I go back to culinary school and pretend to be awesome there.

Music for the Moment - "They Don't Make Glass Slippers"

So, anyone who's anyone knows about the impending demise of all of my hopes and dreams that is my withdrawal from culinary school. I know that it's only temporary. I know that I'll go back again. These things give me no comfort. It sucks. I've met so many people that have changed my life, ones that will stay in it forever. Well, maybe that's more "person" than "people" (let's say that her name rhymes with "schmerratic"). I don't want to go there. I'm a mess and it will only get worse if I go into it too deeply. Back to music. There are a million songs I could use to describe my abject misery, but I feel like this particular one best describes the hopelessness that resides in the dark vacuum of bitter hatred that was once my soul (I'm nothing if not dramatic). The song is called "They Don't Make Glass Slippers" by Daniel Boys, though the link is to the much less awesome Gareth Gates.

Once upon a time

There was just a little boy

And he thought the whole world was his

Wasn't very old when he came to find out

That that's not how it is

They don't make glass slippers

It's no great surprise

If they make glass slippers

They don't have my size

Happy ever afters

Always turn out wrong

No fairy godmother pops up

To help things along

They don't make glass slippers

Pretty as they seem

Trouble is glass slippers

Shatter like a dream

Why don't handsome princes

Practice what they preach

Magical kingdoms are always

Just out of my reach

Once upon a time

There was just a little boy

And he thought the whole world was his

Wasn't very old when he came to find out

That that's not how it is

Once upon a time

There was just a little boy

And he thought the whole world was his

Wasn't very old when he came to find out

That that's not how it is

They don't make glass slippers

It's no great surprise

If they make glass slippers

They don't have my size

Happy ever afters

Always turn out wrong

No fairy godmother pops up

To help things along

No fairy godmother pops up

To help things along

This song is the fucking story of my life. WHERE IS MY FAIRY GODMOTHER(emphasis on the fairy)? I had to end on a gay joke. I'll survive...but that's a different song for a different day.

I am going to poke these men. Well, technically they are going to poke me.

After the last post I figured that I better gay this blog up, drape some garland from the buttresses and shit some glitter. Following is the list of men to whom I would gladly do dirty things. The list is mainly comprised of singers/actors, with the exception of one journalist. Once again, apparently your boneability is directly linked to your vocal ability. It's also worth mentioning that three of the five play Mark in "RENT" at some point in their career. I'm so cool. Apparently I just want men to sing to me. And then put it in. What? One more thing, it turns out that they're all gay. That's very important to me. They have to be gay. Or drunk. Same thing.

5. Anthony Rapp- The original Mark. I just really love his voice. He also played Charlie Brown in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown". Wait, does that make me a pedophile? Sweet. I've got candy kids, I've got candy.

4. NPH- Also a Mark. Look at him, he's adorable. That and he decapitated himself on Ellen. Youtube it. It happened.

3.Adam Kantor- Yet another Mark. Maybe it's the character. I mean, every time that I see RENT my pants do seem to get a little bit smaller. Yeah, that happened. Also when I downloaded this picture it was under "Jews to watch for". I would do so many things to his salty Matzo Balls. I went there. Is anyone surprised?

2.Anderson Cooper- He's new to the team. Well, not really. We've been waiting for him to come out for a very long time, and by "we" I mean myself and the idol I keep of him made out of chewed gum and used tissues. It's under my bed...for now.

1.Daniel Boys- He's a British musical theater actor that was most recently seen playing Princeton/Rod in "Avenue Q" on the West End. Lets just say this: He's welcome on my West End anytime. (For those of you not in the know the West End is the British equivalent to Broadway...and a not so subtle euphemism for my anus.)

I've just decided that I should probably stop writing posts like this. I have a lot of pent up sexual energy. For Christ's sake you would too if you were a 21 year old gay virgin waiting for the "right" gay. Yeah, I typed gay. I meant to. Don't be jealous. Right now I feel like I'm rambling. Four cups of coffee makes me crazy. I'm just going to go call Erratic. Gayest post ever? I think so.

Girls with whom I would bump uglies.

OK, so I know I'm kinda beating a dead horse here with this whole homosexuality thing, but for cereal, I'm gay. I've been thinking lately about what it would take for me to want to touch a vagina and apparently, it would take exceptional vocal chords. There seems to be a direct correlation between how well you sing and how much I want to touch your genitals. That being said, there are four girls whom I would gladly poke (Actually there are three, but I was shooting for five and could only think of four that I would be like "Yeah, I'd do her, if only for children that could sing like bitches." What can I say, I'm a diva). They are, in descending order(I'm all for suspense), as follows:

4.Kristin Chenoweth (It helps that she's holding a pie. Mmm...pie.)

3. Emmy Rossum (As soon as I saw "Phantom of the Opera" I was done. Just done.)

2. Pink (She barely counts though, she's almost a man. But still all woman. Seriously, take me now. Wait, did I just say that about a woman? Daniel Boys, Daniel Boys, Daniel Boys. OK, still gay.)

1. Shoshana Bean (Seriously she is the most talented person that has ever walked this earth. Ever. Not to mention she is freakishly beautiful. OMFG I want you! NO NO NO NO NO NO I'M GAY. There, all better.

This is the most heterosexual this blog will EVER get. Revel in it, enjoy it, get over it.

Music for the Moment - "Defying Gravity"

So it may or may come as a surprise, but I'm gay. I'm also a big, fabulous stereotype. As such, I love musical theatre. Showtunes, in a way, just speak to me. I love that every song has a purpose, most songs have a message. I'm a tool, I get inspired. Right now is one of those times. Well, I'm not inspired to write, just to do something. What, I don't know. Just something.

The song for this moment is "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. It's pretty much amazing. These aren't all the lyrics, but in my estimation they're the only ones that really matter.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

If you don't feel anything, you have no soul. I mean you, Erratic. Right now I feel like there are no limits to what I can do. I feel like I can be whomever I want, go any place, and do anything. I know I'm a tool, but I love it when I feel like this. I've felt really down these last few days and all of a sudden it's like I took an upper cocktail. The bitch is back. I LOVE IT.

Why I'm awesome, Volume I

I love language. I'm a giant tool, yet somehow still awesome. Today in class we were to write a paragraph and strive to reach a high grade level. Our goal was grade ten, most media being written at a grade level of six to eight. I spent a long time on this paragraph and I must say that I'm proud. It's about my dog. Quite possibly, it's the best thing that anyone, anywhere, has ever written. EVER.

One of the most important entities in my life, of which there is a plethora, is my little canine companion named Petie. This little fur child of mine has made me glad to have wasted so many of theis earth's finite resources sustaining myself up until this point in my life where my Cheek, a Chihuahua/Pekinese mix, was finally able to grace me with his wondrous and awesome presence. Since the day of the procurement of my absolute best friend, my life has been nothing but a shining bright spot, almost up to the point of near supernova status, the complete and utter joy of which shows no sign of ending for my minuscule white dwarf and myself. The total elation that not only I, but my young puppy feels everyday when I walk in the door is easily comparable to winning the lottery, learning that Hollandaise sauce is no longer a mother sauce (and that it is a felony to prepare it, Eggs Benedict earning the death penalty), or even being told "I love you" by that special someone (ironically enough, for me that is Petie). I can sincerely say that my puny existence greatly improved the day that I leveled my gaze upon my delightful, diminutive dog and that I look forward to a future with much hope for the health, prosperity, and love that my perfect pocket sized pooch and I will share.

It's at grade level 20. Suck it.