I love language. I'm a giant tool, yet somehow still awesome. Today in class we were to write a paragraph and strive to reach a high grade level. Our goal was grade ten, most media being written at a grade level of six to eight. I spent a long time on this paragraph and I must say that I'm proud. It's about my dog. Quite possibly, it's the best thing that anyone, anywhere, has ever written. EVER.
One of the most important entities in my life, of which there is a plethora, is my little canine companion named Petie. This little fur child of mine has made me glad to have wasted so many of theis earth's finite resources sustaining myself up until this point in my life where my Cheek, a Chihuahua/Pekinese mix, was finally able to grace me with his wondrous and awesome presence. Since the day of the procurement of my absolute best friend, my life has been nothing but a shining bright spot, almost up to the point of near supernova status, the complete and utter joy of which shows no sign of ending for my minuscule white dwarf and myself. The total elation that not only I, but my young puppy feels everyday when I walk in the door is easily comparable to winning the lottery, learning that Hollandaise sauce is no longer a mother sauce (and that it is a felony to prepare it, Eggs Benedict earning the death penalty), or even being told "I love you" by that special someone (ironically enough, for me that is Petie). I can sincerely say that my puny existence greatly improved the day that I leveled my gaze upon my delightful, diminutive dog and that I look forward to a future with much hope for the health, prosperity, and love that my perfect pocket sized pooch and I will share.
It's at grade level 20. Suck it.
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That paragraph made me want to kill myself. You are like that pretentious person sitting in a coffee shop wearing a beret and an ironic T-shirt.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I love you anyway...but there is such a thing as "too far." You, my friend, just went there.
And I gave you plethora. I believe that is Erratic 1, Whimsy 0.
That may be so, but I gave you super-AIDS, or gAIDS, so that evens the score up a bit.
ReplyDeleteIt SHOULD be a felony to prepare Hollandaise sauce, as Hollandaise sauce is... to quote John Adams from his inaugural address... "butt-nasty to the point of barfing."
ReplyDeleteMy opinion, anyway. Your blog is a soothing shade of green.